am not a matyr as much as this may make me seem like it....

Been a while since exams finished and i've been on a whirlwind ever since cousins arrived back from the hills...
met friend and went to SDA on thursday...talked n all while he smoked up...then to chachas for his bday
on Friday i was with cousins through the day..went to Pindis (pandara road ) for dinner...20 ppl!!!
Anyways i went to Big chill for lunch on Saturday and went with weewee n yoey n DR z to DT in dlf n saw mistress of spices.. horrible film ,dont even c it if ur paid to do so!!!
And the highlight of the week...i went to rail museum today with the young cousins,beat that!!

apart from all this ...A is leaving tomorrow....

The atmosphere is just getting on my nerves and i dont know how long i can continue like this.
I am pretty sure i need to move out instead of constantly being at loggerheads with everyone.
everyone thinks i am aggressive but its not true...its more of a defense mechanism to make a place for myself.
I think ii have figured out my problem....
When someone does a lot not only at home but all their life....may it be with friends, relatives, school ,college or wherever and its not acknowledged one can either be openly loud and get people to notice or their are others who will just keep trying harder to please in order to get appreciated sometime...
the hope lingers on and helps live...
This is the first time i am even willing to get it out of my system and i hate sounding like a matyr or something here but its about time i think about why this happens.
It is this hope that things will work out somewhere.That there will be someone who will understand who i wont have to force into caring.Who will genuinely take an interest and willl care...
I dont know if i make any sense but i will someday make sense coz i know what is happening but i dont want to change and be like the rest...its just not me...
thats enough for now.
I have to deal with my own issues..
its about time i live my life without constantly sacrificing.
But then i am that way and its difficult as people expect the same.....
am blabbering....
....
.......
.........
just now mom decides that her family doesnt stand up for her.... god only knows what she wants man...
even he doesnt know on second thoughts....
fuk it..!!!

dont even begin to ask....

one hectice spree i have been on...
exams finished finally on 25th....went with college friends for lunch...
den saw ice age2 with them at PVR saket...n went to hauskhaz and bought second hand books as well..yeay!
u know i was so tired as i hadnt slept a wink before the exam that i slept of like SOOO early at 10 pm itself..
the next day i went to Triveni n CP with ma....
and ya since i have practically nothing to wear i went to Fab india as well...first to CP fab...but there was suddenly fire in the building so we evacuated.It was pretty scary but we survived.Then we headed to GK Fab n bought sum stuff...
as for last nite... there was a major fiasco at home...
My younger brother is such a prick,wont lift a finger in the house and finally i blew yesterday,
When i cursd patriarchy u wont believe what dad said,i was shocked.He told me to not keep quoting all that i learn in college all the time..
man that would just be making me a hypocrite..
i dont understand y he has to keep lolling around and do nothing despite repeated requests from both mom n dad....
Anyways i sooo need a smoke....actually shudnt but its killing...
as for other things...its CHACHAs bday so will go there today....
n i feel so bad...been promising a friend that i'll meet up n i havnt yet...something or the other keeps coming up,,
as for me...I am really pissed ...
juss hoping my brother leaves for his holiday soon.
And i am headed to college for some work....( never ending)...
and am dying to go to Sarojini market...fingers crossed.
dont feel like writing more..

life of an INSOMNIAC....

justice....equality...liberty...common good....
marxism...liberalism...socialism...fascism...
democracy...state...power ...property....
its all still swimming in my head...
though its finally over...my POLITICAL THEORY EXAM is over and done with...!!!
I was just wondering, have you ever blanked out in an exam??
I did today and i swear i was so shit scared. She writing...she also writing....ShE writing....all sides SHES writing....
And Me...BLANK!!!
Thankfully i got a grip on myself and did manage to do something by the end.
The memory still terrorizes me though!

And ya i am so totally an insomniac...I can not sleep for the life of me except just the day before the most important exam.lol.this is just insane.
hope to improve things once the examz get over.They will finally finish on tuesday...last exam left...yeay!!!
Will start studying tonight.

thank you my angel....

Today was the first main exam and as we were about to start, a hosteler told us Jaya was not giving the exam and that she was leaving college to join Shrishti school of design in Bangalore. It came as such a shock.
I am really really happy for her but memories of the past year came flooding back into my head and i knew we would miss Jaya .
i must say Jaya...you are an angel...and we love you.
When we met Jaya after the exam and congratulated her she was happy but you could see that all of us was going to break into tears at the thought of not having her in college and class and otherwise for the next two years.
Jaya is an angel....she is from Jaipur and was staying in the hostel in college. When i interacted with her in the first few days then itself u could make out how nice, warm and helpful my angel was. Over the year Jaya was always there,everyready to help out. i will never forget how we cursed the teachers,gave all the late assignments together,almost didnt give Jan pol theory paper, discussed hostel politics, how i would never survive without her brilliant notes, how Jaya was just a call away and was always there to help.I never thought twice.
I have never really thanked Jaya enough for her support and for always being there in the last year...especially during FEBRUARY(u know wt time i am referring to!!!). Would never be where i am today without Jaya and Trishnas constant inputs,advice and information at that time.THANK U AGAIN.
This post is dedicated to the ANGEL in my class...nobody can ever take ur place..The hostel will never be the same without you.....ur just the most spritely yet thoughtful,...funloving yet serious... moody yet cheerful.... n crazy n BRILLIANT person that i know...
LOVE YOU JAYA...
will miss u...
have a great time at Shrishti school of design...
keep coming back...
needless to say,u better stay with me :-P

i guess its just a senti post and i dont feel like writing more at the moment...
gawsh i am such a senti sob at times..!!

action packed saturday

u know for my exam on monday i have studied jackshit...so no more long posts till i rectify the situation..
The situation with D is normal again and we are back together.Last night around 5 am in smsed him the reason and everything as it was just eating me up.We spoke the whole day and i am a fool but its all okay..touchwood. Its ironic how our views on everything from reservations to NBA are poles apart,but i guess this is the way to learn and accept differences of opinion and learn from it.Though i wish it was just so easy!!!
And plans to go to GOA in October are on...yeay!
So many things happened today,for one the price meeting happened today without prior knowledge so only HEAD was there. But i guess we cant really change or bring back prices.
And ya OZ is sick n so is his gf..hope u both get well soon.
And as for me i am still pondering over the formation of the INC,the role and relevance of Gandhi and his movements, revolutionary movts in india,role of left parties in nat. struggle etc etc etc....
will go back to my books for now...hhahahaha sounds like a constant in my life but i wish it were...!
And all you people the NBA has a meeting at 11 am on Sunday,16th April at Jantar Mantar to review latest happenings.Do join in and support the plan of action.

South Delhi

found this piece on another blog and couldn't help but repost it here...
though i dont agree with the intellectual description...but yeah...go read it...lol

South Delhi, Uncut and Uncensored

From the muddy roads of Munirka to the posh colonies of GK. From Sarojini Nagar on one side to the glittery markets of South Extn. People traveling in Mercs and BMW’s to those waiting for hours to catch a 511 or a 750 that will take them back home. People getting ready for their yoga and meditation classes to those getting set to rock the night at their favourite discotheques.
That’s South Delhi for you, diverse in all sense of the word. From the way they dress, the way they talk, the kind of places they hang out to even the kind of music they listen to.
Let’s find out what sets each South Delhiite apart for the other.

The kitty-party aunty:
Often while strolling down the streets of South Extn or the Gk-1 market you come across women clad in the pink chiffon sari with their face and lips painted pink carrying the trendiest of pink clutch-bag and togged up in pink flip-flops. Forget shopping, she may be just paying a visit to her next-door neighbor, yet she never forgets her pink goggles and the pink blush-on. She has to look her best. “Arey bhai after all izzat ka sawal hain… The Kashmir problem pales in comparison with the kitty party aunty’s grievances. Ranging from getting jewelry set far more expensive than the neighbors’ and ensuring that all the latest gossips of the next-door’s bahu returning home late everyday, aunty’s problems and responsibilities are pretty much endless.Another feature that shouldn’t be missed about these aunty’s is their much-talked about weekly get-togethers, which is nothing but just an excuse to share all the juicy gossips and play a game of tambola and Flash. But for the aunty its not just a social gathering and the preparations that go into it are much more scrupulous than the party itself. Hours at the salon and stopping at every shop in the market to find the right sari to wear can quite be a tedious task and is definitely no Childs-play.

The intellectuals:
This is the jooti, kurta and jhola group of South Delhiites, the intellectual lot. For them shopping, partying or even visiting a restaurant is nothing but a complete waste of time. Their life revolves around their one adda, often a library and sometimes under a tree where they can be in close proximity with nature. They are seen in groups of three-four and are also seen all by themselves with just a book or the morning’s paper as their sole-companion. The state of our Indian politics and the unhealthy conditions in the slums near by are their favourite topics of discussion. Ask them to come for a party and they would never forget their jola, their note-pad and their kurta… and when offered a drink they would never think beyond ‘chai’, that’s their style. Its not that they don’t do anything different, they do make frequent trips to the museum, plays or art exhibitions!!

The night crawlers:
South Delhi is the perfect den for the night crawlers, the party freaks. As the sunsets and as the whole world goes to sleep, there is a group of people who get set to groove all night to live life; the sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll style. Girls in their black halters and shimmery skirt, wearing stilettos that block the daylights out of them and men in the latest Gio Vani collection, get ready to hit their favourite haunts. Partying till 5 in the morning, lost in the rhythm of the full-blast music playing in the background is their ultimate idea of fun. Nightclubs and discotheques have often been associated with drinks and dancing. But for the regulars it’s much beyond that. What may appear to some as noisy and claustrophobic, are for these party animals the perfect way to rejuvenate themselves and get some peace of mind. For many it’s the only time they can be themselves. You may just have gotten fired or your girl may have just ditched you for your best friend. But the crowd, the music and the ambience makes them forget it all and makes it the perfect way to chill-out. Though there night just doesn’t end with hitting a night club. These night crawlers either stay till the last person has left the place or do a little bit of disc-hopping to find the right place that suits them and their mood. When the sunrises and the world wakes up from their sleep, its time for bed for these nocturnal animals.

Happy in the cocoon:
They are the group of South Delhiites who are a little too happy with the way they are. They are too happy in their own cocoons and just don’t believe in trying something new. Ask them what their hobby is and all you get would be a frown or a raised eyebrow. Getting dressed and going out is too much of a drag for these South Delhiites. They have a routine which they don’t believe in changing. They are the kinds who would have one restaurant they frequent every Sunday and one cinema hall they would go to once a month and would have one specific day to pay visits or entertain guests. Going against this fixed time table is a big No! No! (According to them the regular traffic snarls, fast life and high pollution levels are reason enough to convince them to stay home).

The Velas:
Not to be mistaken with the outgoing kinds or the extroverts, the Velas are an entirely different lot. What the world looks like in the morning, they wouldn’t know and Kamanna?... Uske liye papa hain na! Waking up at 12 in the noon, getting dressed in the trendiest of shirts, wearing the most expensive perfume with gelled hair to complete the look, they get into the latest models of car to go where? They themselves wouldn’t know. Probably to a friends place for brunch or to drive around while talking to a buddy on the cell-phone. After almost two hours of aimlessly roaming around, its time for a short nap that often lasts till 6 in the evening. Then its time to meet the gang at the regular coffee shop, from where they seldom order coffee. Their day concludes with dinner, drinks and a movie at another friends place.

The Shopaholics:
One of the most common group of South Delhiites are the Shopaholics. Shopaholics are those who follow the shop till you drop mantra. Shopping for this category of South Delhiites doesn’t necessarily mean buying what is required. For them it’s more of a passion and an addiction. You may have nothing to buy and would have just spend a fortune shopping a week before but still visiting your favorite market becomes a necessity, be it even loafing around just to window shop, it has become something these South Delhiites just cant do without. These compulsive buyers don’t believe in buying one at a time. If they have an intention to buy one pair of sandals they end up buying four. Although they may come back home and forget all about the new pair of sandals and it may lie abandoned in the cupboards for ages, these Shopaholics if they see something they have to have it.Thought shopping was synonymous with women. Not any more! Men too are following the same trend. On one hand when women hoard the markets to buy jewelry and cosmetics, men are busy buying the latest of Gadgets and accessories.

Show-offs:
There is a group of South Delhiites love to flaunting and when it comes to spending a fortune for frequent visits to the parlor to get a new look, updating their wardrobe with the latest designs or buying tickets for holidaying abroad, there is absolutely no stopping. This category believes in living life to the fullest. They would sign up for all kinds of classes, like yoga, salsa, aerobics, maybe not coz that’s what they need but that’s the in-thing these days. They would sign up with leading dietician of the country would hire a gym instructor to help them with their daily work-outs and would have a leading interior decorator do their homes every season. These are the lot of South Delhiites who never hesitate to flaunt or show-off. After-all money comes and goes but if it can make a few heads turn then what’s the harm.

OZ....

been pondering over this trend for a wile now...
is it justified for friends to decide when they need u when they dont?
shudnt i also have a say...
but does that mean i become more assertive or more open...
will that ever be possible?
do i really want it to go to that...
incase u r wondering what this is all about...wll i have a reallly close friend *OZ* and i have reached a point where i feel its just a one way friendship....not in the sense that he doesnt like being friends...but i in the sense that its just dependent on me or the friendship will move to casual mode...
let me try and explain it in a better way. the thing is that i dont see why the effort cant be made from both sides and why i should push that extra mile...i have been contemplating this for a really long time but i know that i will still try..
n i know its not like he isnt there .....its just that she takes priority...n that is obvious and i wouldnt want it any other way. but at times he must realise he has a life beyond her as well...widout meaning to say he shud move on but in the sense that i feel bad as i see him in a position where he is only centered around her and closing up the rest of his life....
wrt me ...i'll make an effort...but i know hes distanced himself from his other friends...i dont think they will understand for too long...
newayz will c wt hpns... as of now i must say exams loomingg on my head and if i dont study i'll fail!!!..(like DUH)
till then i just hope OZ n she stay happy but he figures things out...tho i dont think hes even thought of any of what i have written...
maybe i just ponder n wonder a bit too much...
must get over this....

revolution....

man what a bday...
slept exactly an hour at night...
frnd landed up at 6 30...
den SU came at 10...
den AT came pre lunch...
was jusss hectic!!!
n went out for dinner with so many ppl..
made the famous list of ppl dis year as well...but wont post it right here...maybe later!!
went to TC for a bit... den of to Rhodas place...
n ya as for D he didnt call...wich i had predicted...but spoke to him today n am supposed to call back but i didnt...am just pure mean.
by the way i finally posted a comment on my fav blog...http://thecompulsiveconfessor.blogspot.com/
as a part of delurking week...lol..
i cant believe it but yeah...!!!
as for exams...dont ask...havnt even got down to studying....forget about when they are ending...
and ya might just land up going to bangalore as my college friends might be coming too...
as of now i am dying to go to GOA...keep ur fingers crossed n pray it wurks out..
n ya the coolest bit...i randomly came acros ppl from college who blog...n most of them view the system exactly the way i do...(refer to earlier posts)...
sumting will be done...
sumting shall be done...
sumtime soon..
for now.... lets go study for N and C paper..



*dont ask y the post is named REVOLUTION..i guess its to do with finding of blogs of college ppl...me n my crazy mind...lol*

a ray of hope....or maybe i am hallucinating...

no one knows me here....
n da unknow takes hold of me...
i want to undo da past...
walk towards a new future...
i know.....
i know there is a path ahead.....
but do i want to trod on it?
is it worth it......?
am i what i seem.......
should i be what i seem...
or is it all like that?
dont know if u can figure me out...
dont know if i can turn things around...
i wish i could...
i wish things would...
i wish.....
is this about wishes.......?
or is it reality?
i dont know....


u knw....
i still have to do the explaining...to D
and i will...
its just that i am sure he will not understand...not that hes expected to or anything...but still ya...
but this ones sorted for keeps now...
i had to get it over with before the year began n not let it be someting either one regrets later coz dey r too scared to let go...
n incase D needed the space...which i felt he did...then its all his...balls in his court now...
though i know his egos just to big to even do anything...
which is k with me as long as hes happy...
dont mistake all this as me not liking him...its just that its not working out n i feel at some level its unfair on him to feel obliged to continue dis.... the last year was juss random n someone had to be firm enuff to realise it...
i still dont know if i shoud thank Ds Ausiie frnd or not...i dont believe what he told me...but i also know he wudnt randomly talk...i hate this but its the PAST now....
u know i just realised if D wud read dis ...but noways i dont want him to know about this blog....
newayz enufff about this ya...
got to get my mind off this...
what will be will be...
n ya... i hav to find a place to go tomorrow night for dinner...still no idea!!
n god knows what i want to do..
am just so indecisive at times that it annoys me...
but its me...i know what i dont want...but never know what i want!!!
will post after bday is over....
right now i dono who i miss more ...but i plan to stick to my resolution of staying aloof...
i hope it helps..

11th....is coming.......!!!

wtf...hate this,....whole post got deleted as i finished writing man...
dun feel like writing again...so much for being in a happy mood:S:S:S

though i am still a lil happy coz wrt revision of prices there is progress.
meeting with sati on 13th....
am sure v will wurk it out in our favor:P
so much for my optimism.
as also the fact that "DS" is coming on 11may...yeay!
tho i dono if i am going to be here...or if i want to be...it will just rake up the past....
n i think i want to avoid that for now...

newayz do read the petitionn of the NBA (Narmada Bachao Andolan) and sign it ....
http://petitions.aidindia.org/narmada/
n ya i'll confirm about the march at India Gate on april 11th...
as for m other plans for that day...will let u know as soon as i know...
tho there is sumting fishy going on.... wich my frnds wont tell....n i knw dlf ppl r involved:P
newayz i shud study man...not doing any wurk...n its freaky....

n i hav to tell u about what happened at Village cafe a few days back....
but will post about that later...
am going to m block tom after exam for sum wurk, after ages....cnt wait to get over with exams...
mail me if u need anyting from there .
and A i remember our TC promise:):)
will follow up on it soon...
SU c u at Jantar Mantar either tom or dayafter...

the NARMADA DAMMED...

wtf... i have so my to do for the next paper...
and i am wasting time here...people said this was addictive and they are so true!
by the way heady isnt free till 13th so lets see when we four can talk,though its most important that we 4 talk before any other meetings...
Also mom n mainji are back from Jaipur and the stuff they got is really nice and ma decided to go to the club for dinner on 11th and that just pissed me off.i hate that place but doesnt look like theres going to be a choice :-S
as for Medha patkars arrest i went to jantar mantar today after my exam. will also go for march at India gate on the 11th of pril as well...do come if u can....talk to SU for details
I think its just cruel the way the whole Narmada issue is being handled. You should read official documents on it , man its just unbelievable when u read it.
i was recalling the documentary "THE NARMADA DAMMED" that was screened in college last year and how the filmmaker spoke to us about this dying issue and how the judgements were just so faulty. When i visited the rehab centres which ppl had been moved to and lived in for ages instead of getting adequate land in return elsewhere i reealised the anormity of the situation.
Please help speak in favor of the people displaced and dont let the government stiffle voices ...
do learn and read and inform more people....
its the best way to start...
n it will count so start right away...
till den i will keep going there with SU to jantar mantar..
adios

D...one last time

the most important thing....i forgot to say....
its officially the end...
told D i cudnt explain den n promised i wud later...
its time to cut off n let him move on if he want...
itss a new day...its a new world...let him decide..i dunt want to bind or hamper ne1s planz
i know its random...but b4 i begin a new year this had to be done...it was otherwise like postponig the inevitable ya.glad i decided n i hope i stick to this...no compromise this time around.....

damn the exams n college!!!

shit maan...left 15 bloody marks in the paper outta 50!!!
hindi is just weird:S
newayz hav u guys heard of the chaos...so many ppl landing up...
nigeria folks...blore family....n blah blah blah blah blah
on a more serious note....
wt do u think of the reservation in delhi univ goin upto 49%??i think its sad to reduce the number of general seats and this quota is justified only if the number of seats existing for general category doesnt reduce in number thus implying more seats are created in order to increase opportunities for classes which need reservation.
guess admission time will be tough.
best of luk to you guys ya...
now i have indisoc n monday, i like the course so yeay :)
n i spoke to exprez today about the whole thing on meeting day.v all really need to sort things out and that to quickly man. hope people realise the consequence of the hike.hope so !!!
btw...cn sum1 tell me wts conspiring for the 11th...its nt fair..u better tell...
dont like such surprises:P
hhahaha or mayb i do..
n u knw..am dyin to go borrow buks frm haus khaz ...damn the examz!!
n ya bout the sunday concert....quoting the mail frm the yp...

"The Youth Parliament and Prospect wll be having thier first collaborative concert on the 9th of April at The India Habitat Centre amphitheatre. HFT, a jazz blues rock fusion band, will be performing 7:30 onwards! "
go ya n hav fun while v study :-s
newayz more later...
n yaaa the politik stuff too!

transfering here....

the folllowing is transfered here frm elsewhere....
dont wanna continue the other blog...will stik to dis....
newayz here goes....


Saturday, April 01, 2006
shaking the systems already in place.....
WTF does one say in a blog...if i were to refer to others it would be simple...coz most are just random...not that this will be any less...Dono if i want to start pouring my heart out randomly here....its just not happening as far as i am concerned...though i must say it takes courage ;)...no offense to u "H"though on a more serious note...a few days bak i was wondering about politics in colleges outside delhi and am surprised that i came across some first hand accounts in less than a week...(its just creepy)...but anyways getting to the point....its pretty sad to see authority take advantage of us like this... atleast wrt my college and the one mentioned above.We must be really naive not to realise what is happening...coz as "STAR" said that its our place...n no1 elses.but madam....coming to college everyday i hope u do realise that its all superficial!dont mean to bitch about my college....love the ppl n my course....n all u guys know that...but as SU said to sir in the admin the other day...the change wil come.... and i am sure the head realises this too n for that reason tried to stop the activities and events of the feb and march period...but as they say...the show must go on....on a lighter note, exam fever is driving me beserk.its killing....all u freaks where the hell r u... ???? cum bak soon n teach me soon...n yea... this is the new blog as of now....the earlier one just died off...by the way...do chek out Em's blog ..... U MUST!n do not name me in ur comments if ya knw me ...will get thrown outta the college...n u all know y....


Tuesday, April 04, 2006
all in a day.....rather....just plain randomness!
wtf...gave the first subsi exam.....sucked beyond control !!!like wteva...now pray to god i pass hindi....thank god we need only 33% ...hahahhahanewayz on a more serious note....the meeting today sucked....cud hav slapped the "Sati" dude ....tho he almost walked out...all due thnx to me!n the other two sucked up to him n struck a bloody compromise....ppl were correct to say u need a firm head to lead...hope for better:Swas just wondering how we wud be answerable wrt the price hike....wtf!!!!n ya the more serious bit later......listen was juss wundering....ne newz of wen the prithvi thing is...dates?n wrt exams....dun ask...just avoiding the inevitable...by the way...so many ppl in town...n am stuck with exams...hope u guys hav an awzum time at tc n Ks place.... :-)random light post..but i guess u cnt get better after an harrowing exam!!!by the way i hav a floyd song "Wish you were here" stuck in my head....was singing it during the exam too...didnt realise till every1 looked up....was pretty random!enuff randomness for now..call me if u c dis T

just....

havnt blogged here in ages...will transfer some recent posts frm other blog here...
n continue to blog regularly...
jusss been busy...
but i guuess its nt too late