am not a matyr as much as this may make me seem like it....

Been a while since exams finished and i've been on a whirlwind ever since cousins arrived back from the hills...
met friend and went to SDA on thursday...talked n all while he smoked up...then to chachas for his bday
on Friday i was with cousins through the day..went to Pindis (pandara road ) for dinner...20 ppl!!!
Anyways i went to Big chill for lunch on Saturday and went with weewee n yoey n DR z to DT in dlf n saw mistress of spices.. horrible film ,dont even c it if ur paid to do so!!!
And the highlight of the week...i went to rail museum today with the young cousins,beat that!!

apart from all this ...A is leaving tomorrow....

The atmosphere is just getting on my nerves and i dont know how long i can continue like this.
I am pretty sure i need to move out instead of constantly being at loggerheads with everyone.
everyone thinks i am aggressive but its not true...its more of a defense mechanism to make a place for myself.
I think ii have figured out my problem....
When someone does a lot not only at home but all their life....may it be with friends, relatives, school ,college or wherever and its not acknowledged one can either be openly loud and get people to notice or their are others who will just keep trying harder to please in order to get appreciated sometime...
the hope lingers on and helps live...
This is the first time i am even willing to get it out of my system and i hate sounding like a matyr or something here but its about time i think about why this happens.
It is this hope that things will work out somewhere.That there will be someone who will understand who i wont have to force into caring.Who will genuinely take an interest and willl care...
I dont know if i make any sense but i will someday make sense coz i know what is happening but i dont want to change and be like the rest...its just not me...
thats enough for now.
I have to deal with my own issues..
its about time i live my life without constantly sacrificing.
But then i am that way and its difficult as people expect the same.....
am blabbering....
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just now mom decides that her family doesnt stand up for her.... god only knows what she wants man...
even he doesnt know on second thoughts....
fuk it..!!!