blabber

So many things have been playing in my mind and I have decided not to avoid them anymore.
There is no one who would understand or not get bored listening to blabber so this is my favorite place...
I have been wondering how long the "other three" will just carry on this way and not take responsibility and completely avoid the problem.
Also with the family things have started to seem fake and I am not sure how long I can be patient...
Apart from this things with OZ are random,I still haven't been able to get myself to explain to him or tell him that its not nice....
*scolds self for not speaking and keeping it all bottled up*
I mean he has to somewhere balance things out and stop neglecting others but then again I guess everyone learns with time.
And yah last week I read an article about low self esteem and thus the fear of rejection which makes a person accept everything without questioning it.This as the article said leads to always being subjected to shit and still tolerating it or being scared of letting it go..It was ironic and completely summed up my life...
I am one of the most confident of people on the outside and people think I am strong and very secure .Let me admit here finally that its not true and that its just a false image which covers up the insecurities,these are not insecurities wrt my abilities but its about people being judgmental and two faced...... Kind of explains things with "D" completely...
I have to learn to let go without making myself vulnerable...
I have to learn to move on without closing people out completely....
I have to learn so much...
I hope I can........