me....
need someone to talk to... or else this is going to eat me up. i try n be happy all the time... atleast i pretend to be... i have nothing to look foward to... each day i live is a burden on me. and its funny i should say that cos im only 19. i could say im independant and dont need anyone.
i could say i can stand up for myself. i could say i feel nothing for D. i could say "DS" is my best friend and someone i can depend on. i could say i love my dad to bits. i could say im single and happy. i could say i have a great bunch of friends. i could say i wana live a hundered years cos my life is so perfect... i could say all of that and more, but all i would be doing is lying to myself.
and i dont understand why i would lie here. this is one place i should be true to myself. but im not... im afraid to face my darkest fears... i need to belong, need to be loved, need to be cared for, need someone to want me and need someone who cant live without me. need someone who i can trust...need someone i can confide in..need someone to listen to me..
in search of my angel, in search of a friend, in search of a soulmate... will my search ever end?thats the questiong i ask myself everyday... will my search end? is there someone out there for me? someone who i can believe in? i seem to be such a cheerful person, that no one would ever know how intense i am. infact it scares me how intense i could be sometimes.. it scares me how ferociously over protectived and jealous i can get bout the people i love. it scares me cos i have the ability in me to do something so stupid...that i could end up hurting a lot of people. i have it in me to hurt myself physically...so i can get rid of the pain thats built up inside of me.
i try and set everyones lives straight.....but isnt there anyone who would help me straighten out my life? its very frustrating...it hurts..and i dont know what i can do to stop this pain. i cry silently each night and i dont even know why i do it. i promise myself that i will not confide in anyone, cos i know i have backstabbers for friends. but then i do need someone to talk to right? how much can i ramble to a computer screen? where is my angel?? where is my friend? where is my soulmate?will my search ever end?
i could say i can stand up for myself. i could say i feel nothing for D. i could say "DS" is my best friend and someone i can depend on. i could say i love my dad to bits. i could say im single and happy. i could say i have a great bunch of friends. i could say i wana live a hundered years cos my life is so perfect... i could say all of that and more, but all i would be doing is lying to myself.
and i dont understand why i would lie here. this is one place i should be true to myself. but im not... im afraid to face my darkest fears... i need to belong, need to be loved, need to be cared for, need someone to want me and need someone who cant live without me. need someone who i can trust...need someone i can confide in..need someone to listen to me..
in search of my angel, in search of a friend, in search of a soulmate... will my search ever end?thats the questiong i ask myself everyday... will my search end? is there someone out there for me? someone who i can believe in? i seem to be such a cheerful person, that no one would ever know how intense i am. infact it scares me how intense i could be sometimes.. it scares me how ferociously over protectived and jealous i can get bout the people i love. it scares me cos i have the ability in me to do something so stupid...that i could end up hurting a lot of people. i have it in me to hurt myself physically...so i can get rid of the pain thats built up inside of me.
i try and set everyones lives straight.....but isnt there anyone who would help me straighten out my life? its very frustrating...it hurts..and i dont know what i can do to stop this pain. i cry silently each night and i dont even know why i do it. i promise myself that i will not confide in anyone, cos i know i have backstabbers for friends. but then i do need someone to talk to right? how much can i ramble to a computer screen? where is my angel?? where is my friend? where is my soulmate?will my search ever end?
posted by blah gurl at 1:07 PM
3 Comments:
Hey thanks for commenting :) & I am not being pessimistic. Its not about me,its about ppl around me. Otherwise come anything and I can handle it.
& Ya read your post also, don't know what's going on inside you. Seems like you are trying to run away from youself rather then the whole world around you. Don't be selfconscious of what you are or what you think.Even if you keep it to yourself and won't write or won't let ppl know,you will be the same. It won't change. Let your innerself get the freedom & with that your mind will become more clear, pure and free.
& as far as your angel is concerned ;-) just give yourself sometime.He is not going to come to you just like that, you also have to work on it ;-) All the best
hey...thnx for dropping by...
n as for her...i dont know who she is...
and yeah i guess i am running away..but thats juss another long story...
and as for my angel...it could be anyone...:)
hey you! thanks for droppin by.. the comments are awesome.. and u sound just like my other bestfriend...this is exactly what she would say to me! :)
btw this post is very familiar.. lol!
take it easy girl!
P.S. im from delhi too! its been ages since i visited tho!
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