Its not the same....
I finally decided to meet "DS" after almost an year. I knew I was avoiding it as I have a random habit of fearing the worst.....I was trying to run away from this but I guess facing it was the best option.
I realized that its very possible for people to drift apart.
The fear is kind of turning into reality.
I have moved on in life,things which are important to me have also changed and everytime I try living like nothings changed I feel like a hypocrite, am not kidding ..Its very much the way things are...
You must be wondering where this has come from all of a sudden..Well today after meeting "DS" I realized that despite calling her my best friend and stuff its not really the case.Yes I agree she is the only person that I have ever opened up with and never with others but tell me is opening up about random things all that the friendship is about.It just happens during the same few months and then its yet another year of not really talking and acting like its okay. Even if it is that way then why is it that it is something which again makes me feel like a hypocrite.
Today while sitting with her I realized that I was not genuine. I was really happy for her as she found someone she really likes and all and its not that I don't care about things like that but is that all there is and nothing else ?
All that is important but I cant relate to it.
I am sure its about me and the way I have changed......
I could see it coming and that's why I was afraid...Not afraid of who I am (not at all)...Just afraid of loosing people who knew the earlier me and yet I know I will not go back to the old me as this is what I am comfortable being.
I have learnt to deal with this kind of thing for several years but when you see it coming between someone you are close to it just hits u hard....
I guess I have to deal with issues...
I guess I have to be more open and genuine yet respect others ways too...
but not at the cost of being a hypocrite or this dilemma will never end.
I have to face my weaknesses someday...
I guess I have to deal with reality and not run away from it...I have to accept the fact that people change and thus friendships evolve and take new turns and twists and at each level I should learn..But its not easy...Its really not easy but I might even loose people otherwise so I keep trying as usual..
SOMEDAY THOUGH I WILL LIVE AS THE REAL ME.......SOMEDAY....
I realized that its very possible for people to drift apart.
The fear is kind of turning into reality.
I have moved on in life,things which are important to me have also changed and everytime I try living like nothings changed I feel like a hypocrite, am not kidding ..Its very much the way things are...
You must be wondering where this has come from all of a sudden..Well today after meeting "DS" I realized that despite calling her my best friend and stuff its not really the case.Yes I agree she is the only person that I have ever opened up with and never with others but tell me is opening up about random things all that the friendship is about.It just happens during the same few months and then its yet another year of not really talking and acting like its okay. Even if it is that way then why is it that it is something which again makes me feel like a hypocrite.
Today while sitting with her I realized that I was not genuine. I was really happy for her as she found someone she really likes and all and its not that I don't care about things like that but is that all there is and nothing else ?
All that is important but I cant relate to it.
I am sure its about me and the way I have changed......
I could see it coming and that's why I was afraid...Not afraid of who I am (not at all)...Just afraid of loosing people who knew the earlier me and yet I know I will not go back to the old me as this is what I am comfortable being.
I have learnt to deal with this kind of thing for several years but when you see it coming between someone you are close to it just hits u hard....
I guess I have to deal with issues...
I guess I have to be more open and genuine yet respect others ways too...
but not at the cost of being a hypocrite or this dilemma will never end.
I have to face my weaknesses someday...
I guess I have to deal with reality and not run away from it...I have to accept the fact that people change and thus friendships evolve and take new turns and twists and at each level I should learn..But its not easy...Its really not easy but I might even loose people otherwise so I keep trying as usual..
SOMEDAY THOUGH I WILL LIVE AS THE REAL ME.......SOMEDAY....
posted by blah gurl at 5:55 AM
3 Comments:
Well I told you I take the liberty of naming you as I wish ;) I hope you liked the name.
Don't be so impatient , will wrte soon.
Well the above comment was w.r.t your comment on my blog.
Now coming to this particular post of yours, I will say you fear the most when you think yu will lose something or someone. The best way is to let everything else free. Even when you are madly deeply in luv let the other person be as free as possible.It will give you so much sense of lightness that you won't think about either you or anyone else.
i dont know how well that really works ya....
in my case it has backfired...
but i guess its each to his own...
this fear is deeprooted and i just hope it goes away someday ..taking with it all the circumstances which have led to its existance...
i hope i am making sense...
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